Classy and Shit

I think we’re in Alaska since we’re running after Santa Claus and Alaska is closer to Santa Claus. He’s wearing a navy blue track suit and carrying two brown eggs. I’m a young boy followed by another young boy and we’re here to get Santa’s eggs. One drops. Young boy grabs it. The second falls. Santa looks back but decides it’s not worth getting caught. I scoop up the brown egg. It’s breaking and snow starts collecting inside it. “You don’t know what you’ve done.” Suddenly Santa is grabbing the dripping egg from me. He looks mad. Young boy and I decide it’s time to get out of there. We jump into the sky. 

Why is it so warm? It’s Alaska and it’s winter but the snow has disappeared. I sing about breaking the egg and turning the season back to fall. That’s good because now I’m me and there’s a music festival. Drake is playing. Every girl I see is wearing a romper. I choose the green. Their boyfriends look miserable. I ask, “Why do men hate rompers?” It starts to rain. We run to the concert hall but a man tells us (the young boy?) that the concert is now in the cave. There are only about a dozen people there. Drake asks us if we like Bobby Mcferrin and Michael Bolton. I realize I’m the best looking girl in the room but feel uneasy about the green romper. I hope Drake picks me. I decide letting my head fall back against the chair is the sexiest thing I can do since we’re all sitting and dance sitting is the worst. I feel a little bad for Drake since he was clearly expecting more of turn out. I tell him the cave is hard to find. 

Outside it’s full summer. The festival is filled with all of my exgirlfriends. We run through grocery stores and down European streets looking for cumin. No one is selling it. The young boy is back and he’s fat. I’m young too. We are in love with a young blonde actress. We sneak into each other’s homes at night and wish the young actress would dance. She’s a ballerina now. I suggest she dance for the room. We are inside a parlor with a few genteel older men and one deformed woman in a wheel chair. I look around and all the Christmas decorations have been removed. There is tape residue in the shapes of trees. Christmas is ruined. A French couple brag about Europe. I run up a flight of stairs and tell them to shove it because no one cares. I broke the Christmas eggs.